Taking the Dream Away

It is very clear that, except for the 3% of rapes that are committed by pseudo-sexual sadists (who are basically the same psychology as sadistic serial killers like BTK), every rapist needs to maintain a fantasy in which what he or she is doing (usually he by a vast majority, regardless of the gender of the victim) *is not wrong*.

That is why it is vitally important to denounce rape. It is not important to rush in and tell the victim what they did wrong - that they should not have been walking alone, that they should not have dressed a certain way, that they should not have drunk alcohol, taken drugs or flirted with someone. These things are all myths anyway. The man who leaps from the bushes and uses force is no stranger, he's someone the victim knows and he is there because he followed the victim or planned to be there. If not in the park, it would be in their home, their garage or on their doorstep. The opportunist who uses drink or drugs to remove the capacity to refuse has already decided that is an acceptable way to have sex, he doesn't care who the victim is or how he or she acts.

The only thing really, truly known to cause rape, is a rapist. A deeply insecure, broken individual clinging to a dream so he doesn't have to look the horror of his crime in the face. And it is a horror, not some trivial act of casual sex. Rape is a method of torture.

It is important to tell the rapist that he raped. That he committed a horrible, life-destroying crime. That rape is not a powerful, victorious gesture. That a rapist is not a hero.

A rapist hangs on to variants of one of two fantasies: (1) that what he does is secretly desired by the victim, or (2) that he is punishing some transgression by the victim or something the victim represents.

She consented to sex and then regretted it the next day and made a false cry of rape? No. That's fantasy (1) in action.

She acted all sexy and then changed her mind, being a tease? No. That's fantasy (2) in action.

Rape is once again becoming an epidemic crime, increasing by four times as much as other crimes in the USA. The most effective way to fight it is so blindingly simple - we have to tell rapists they're wrong. "Don't be that guy" knocked rape down by 10% in Vancouver - that was the first major campaign to target rapists. So target them, everywhere. Leave the victims alone. Tell the rapists what they did was wrong and take the fantasy away.

Rape Myths and Victim Blaming: A Pat on the Back for Perpetrators

Some months ago, I embarked on a project: to debunk popularly-held myths about the causes of rape. These myths appear in the comments of every article, video and news piece on sexual assault. Rape myths need to be challenged wherever they appear, and their purveyors need to be brought up short and sharp not just on the real facts, but the fact that their myths actually cause rapes.

Psychological studies have shown that sexist jokes, rape jokes and most of all, rape myths actually increase the likelihood of rapes being committed within a community, the more they are repeated and the more firmly they are believed.

MYTH #1: "Provocative" Dress: A victim is wholly or partially responsible for her rape if she is dressed in a fashion alluring to men.

THE TRUTH: Rape occurs regardless of what a victim is wearing. In interviews with over 2,000 convicted sex offenders, psychologist Nicholas Groth could not find ONE who cited his victim's mode of dress as a motive, although many claim it as a defence in court. Most offenders could not even remember what the victim was wearing. The most common clothing worn by a rape victim is jeans and a t-shirt, followed by pyjamas.

To some tropes of rapist, sexily-dressed women are less likely to be attacked, because they show confidence in their own sexuality, something the rapist lacks. Rapists frequently claim of shy, "less attractive" victims, that they were "doing her a favour".

Saying a woman's mode of dress incites rape and goes against common sense gives permission to the rapist. The fact is, "common sense" is far too common and uninformed of the real facts in this case.

Here's some actual common sense. Clothes can't talk. If you want to know if a woman wants or wanted to have sex, ask her, not some inanimate fabric.

MYTH #2: Flirtation: A woman is wholly or partially responsible for her rape if she has previously flirted with the offender.

THE TRUTH: Studies by David Lisak showed that rape is NOT an accident or a misunderstanding of consent. Rapists he interviewed had already decided to commit rape before they even met their victims. Most rapes are committed by a small percentage of rapists - they are overwhelmingly a serial crime.

In many cases, rapists turned away from potential victims because after talking to them, they LIKED them. Rape is a hate crime, committed not because a man likes a woman but because he hates her and holds her in contempt. All citing this myth as a factor in rape does, is tell a rapist he's right.

Most comedy now consists of dirty jokes. Men and women both are allowed to hear such jokes, and men and women both are allowed to make such jokes. But making a dirty joke is not the same as an invitation for sex.

This is what an invitation for sex looks like:

"So... would you like to have sex?"

MYTH #3: Accessibility: A woman who walks home alone, through an isolated area, is irresponsibly inviting rape.

THE TRUTH: Only a tiny, tiny proportion of rapes are committed by men lurking in dark alleys or parks at night. Such attacks generate the most press because they incite the most fear, but they are usually committed by a rapist who has followed his victim, planning the assault well in advance for the sexual anticipation it produces. If it did not occur in a park or alleyway, it would occur elsewhere - doorstep rape is very common.

Even if a potential victim avoids rape through extreme precaution, all that does is change who the victim will be. It is theoretically far, far easier to stop rape happening than it is for a given potential victim to avoid being raped, but because there is a strong cultural bias against women in society, myths are aggressively preached: women provoke sexual desire to which men are helpless victims, rape is sexually motivated, rape is justified.

50 years of telling women how not to get raped has done nothing but cause more rape, because all those helpful instructional leaflets have become is a list of things a woman can do that make it OK to rape her.

If you want an effective way of stopping rape: 6 months of telling potential rapists not to rape caused a 10% reduction in the number of rapes even with more victims coming forward as a result of the campaign when the "Don't Be That Guy" campaign ran in Vancouver.

All people have to do is STFU with the victim-blaming and start saying rapists are scum, rather than treating them as heroes avenging men for sexual rejection.

The next time you get into a discussion, or see an article online about rape, start sending the right message. It is no-one's business at all what a woman wore, if she drank, where she was, whom she was with, how she acted. There is only one thing that really needs to be said.

"Rapists are scum."

Because no, they really don't know that already. And no-one else is telling them.

A Note

Rape does not only happen to women. It is not only perpetrated by men. I talk about male-to-female rape here because it's most common, it's what I know most about and because there is the most evidence that this trope is increased and affected by rape myth pervasion, and because there is evidence that it can be massively reduced just by speaking out. You can, however, bet your buns that press and public view presenting Olga Zajack (who imprisoned and repeatedly raped a man who tried to rob her) as a nymphomaniac rather than a rapist, and common response laughing at her victim, has done nothing to diminish the likelihood of this happening again.

A Note to Rape Survivors

I use the term "victim" here as opposed to "rape survivor" not to demean those who have suffered sexual assault, but to emphasize the criminal nature of rape and its horrific effects. Many prefer the term "rape survivor" because the sheer strength involved in overcoming rape trauma and resuming normal life cannot be under-estimated, and because the word "victim", largely because of the way responsibility for sexual assault has become twisted in society, has assumed certain properties of invitation. I thought about my word choice here for a long time and in the end, decided on "victim" because rape is a crime deliberately committed by someone else. People can try to twist the word, but in the end, what "victim" means is someone who has something done to them against their will.

Sources of Interest:

"Understanding the Predatory Nature of Sexual Violence." David Lisak, University of Massachusetts Boston, 2008

"Men who Rape: The Psychology of the Offender" A. Nicholas Groth, H. Jean Birnbaum, Plenum Press, New York, 1979

"Cultural myths and supports for rape" Burt, Martha R. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 38(2), Feb 1980, 217-230.

"Rape Myths: In Review" Lonsway, K. A. and Fitzgerald, L. F. (1994), Psychology of Women Quarterly, 18: 133–164. doi: 10.1111/j.1471-6402.1994.tb00448.x4

"Salience of rape affects self-esteem: The moderating role of gender and rape myth acceptance." Bohner, G., Weisbrod, C., Raymond, P., Barzvi, A. and Schwarz, N. (1993), Eur. J. Soc. Psychol., 23: 561–579. doi: 10.1002/ejsp.2420230603

"Penile Tumescence and Perceptual Responses to Rape as a Function of Victim's Perceived Reactions." Malamuth, N. M. and Check, J. V. P. (1980), Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 10: 528–547. doi: 10.1111/j.1559-1816.1980.tb00730.x

"Rape Proclivity Among Males." Malamuth, N. M. (1981), Journal of Social Issues, 37: 138–157. doi: 10.1111/j.1540-4560.1981.tb01075.x

"Rape-accepting attitudes of university undergraduate students." Talbot, K. K., Neill, K. S. and Rankin, L. L. (2010), Journal of Forensic Nursing, 6: 170–179. doi: 10.1111/j.1939-3938.2010.01085.x